Hey You!
Welcome to my newsletter, and may I offer my humble congratulations for taking this bold step into the new you. If you’re like most humans, you’ve probably struggled to find a sense of contentment in your life. You may have accomplished some impressive things or had some meaningful relationships. But as the years pass, you’ve likely found that these are ultimately impermanent distractions from a gnawing sense of general unease.
So you start to question what it is that you’re missing. There must be some singular piece of information that can close this gaping hole in your soul. And you’re going to find it, dammit! Your shelves soon become filled with self-help books, you begin practicing various forms of meditation, and you officially join the Baháʼí faith. Along each step of your journey, you have a similar feeling.
“Yes! This is it. I’ve got it now. This new paperback about aligning my chakras written by a Mr. Clean doppelgänger with an adopted Sanskrit name will finally cure me of my bitter despair in the apparent meaninglessness of the universe.”
You’ve risen above it all! And so quickly too. Just reading the blurb and spending $28.95 on your new gospel has filled you with a deep sense of inner peace. While everyone else is still stuck in the mundane toils of their trivial existences, you watch over them from the higher spiritual plane of consciousness that you now inhabit. And how pathetic they all look. Don’t they know that in order to be truly happy, you have to first dissolve your ego? Morons. You breathe a deep sigh of relief with the comforting knowledge that you are no longer attached to outcomes, relationships, or possessions. All is well now.
Until the next morning, when a rocky night of sleep combined with the discovery that you’re out of granola, and you find yourself filling up with a tidal wave of rage that would impress the likes of Poseidon. It seems that your new shortcut to enlightenment was not such a shortcut after all. Maybe you need a different book, or meditation, or therapy, or religion, or…
A true moment of clarity arises. There is no book or class or teacher who can give you the key to happiness. All this time, you’ve still been seeking outside answers when the true wisdom already resides inside of you. It’s time to finally, truly look within.
Or is it? That may have been true in the past, but that was before you had subscribed to this newsletter.
This newsletter is what you’ve been looking for all your life. It will instantly solve all of your problems and bring you that deep sense of inner peace that has always eluded you. (And it’s free! (For now.)) With this newsletter, you finally have a truly external solution for your internal discontent. The search is over.
So take a deep breath and relax because I never make promises I can’t keep.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.
Love,
