Ellen DeGeneres: Human Being or Ursula the Sea Witch?
A Perspective From a Student of Ellen’s Career
I met Ellen DeGeneres two years ago. I managed to snag tickets to one of her “secret” stand-up shows at a small 280-capacity theater in LA called Largo. I arrived early to the show and after being assigned a seat, I had some time to kill. So I decided to head to the back alley, in search of the stage door. I had brought along a copy of Ellen’s famous TIME magazine cover (“Yep, I’m Gay”) just in case there was a chance for an autograph. I’ve met many celebrities this way, but I’ll admit, I wasn’t sure what to expect considering how famous Ellen is. As I rounded the alley corner, I spotted a small group of people waiting with various memorabilia. I joined the crowd and it wasn’t long before a black SUV pulled up and the collective temperature of the area rose.
“Stand back!”
A security guard firmly put out his hand as people started to close in on the car. Ellen and Portia emerged while their handlers ushered them toward the stage door. Several people politely requested autographs.
“Get away from me, you human refuse!” Ellen snarled.
“Ms. DeGeneres, my quadriplegic daughter has stage 4 cancer and I was wondering if you would sign — ”
“Good! Let me know when she dies! Actually don’t, because that would mean I have to spend more time talking to a non-celebrity.”
As her fan started crying, Ellen sadistically cackled. Then she took out a gun and shot the woman dead.
All right, back to the TRUE story.
After she got out of the car, Ellen stopped and signed everything that was put in front of her. Then she took selfies with each person who asked.
“Okay, last one.”
“Ellen, could I get one too?
“Okay, one more.”
“Ellen, what about me? Please?”
“Okay, one more.”
This cycle continued until all of the requests were fulfilled. Then in a flash, she was inside. At this point, I was thrilled to have such cool mementos from one of my comedy idols. But that would not be my last interaction with her that night. Later, after Ellen delivered the final line of a hilarious stand-up set, the audience erupted in cheers. Once the applause finally subsided, she thanked us again and announced that she wanted to take audience questions. Hands shot up throughout the theater. I wasn’t initially planning on asking a question myself, but the Q&A kept going on and on. I finally mustered the courage to raise my hand and sure enough, Ellen called on me. This is what I asked her:
Was it hard for you to feel connected to your peers in the stand-up world of the ’80s, when most comics had a much more aggressive, often mean-spirited style of comedy than you?
I may not have been quite so eloquent in my phrasing, but that was the gist. In addition to being curious about her experience, I was also seeking reassurance that I wasn’t alone in feeling alienated by the hostility of the comedy world.
Ellen answered that it was indeed very hard to fit in amongst her peers. She was almost always following men, some of whom would be angrily screaming “FUCK!” into the microphone. Others would use lesbian slurs in their routines. What she described sounded like a very unwelcoming environment, which makes her achievements that much more impressive. Talking to her directly and hearing such a vulnerable answer to my question was not only more meaningful than our brief encounter before the show; it was a highlight of my whole year and remains a cherished memory.
I suppose that some might view my story as yet another example of Ellen’s astounding hypocrisy, which if you believe certain internet spectators, borders on multiple personality disorder. These people probably assume that I was lucky enough to witness Dr. Jekyll but if I were an employee at The Ellen DeGeneres Show, I would be working under Mr. Hyde. But I don’t work for Ellen, so I cannot definitively say whether she is kind to her employees. Neither can you. (Unless this essay has somehow reached Ellen’s staff…in which case, maybe you can recommend me for a job so I can find out the truth!)
What we do know is that numerous people who worked on her show did not have positive experiences. The official conclusions of the internal investigation, along with Ellen’s publicly circulated staff memo, put this far beyond a reasonable doubt. I have experienced toxic work situations in my own life, and I know how demoralizing they can be. If going public with these allegations was the necessary impetus to improve the show’s internal environment, then I support that. What I don’t support is character assassination.
These staff complaints have been overwhelmingly directed at the show’s producers, not Ellen herself. Yes, there are some who insist that Ellen must have been complicit in the mistreatment. Well, of course! If I had to co-write, rehearse, and host my own talk show every day, I would also be heavily involved in supervising the junior lighting intern. Let me be clear: I’m not saying that Ellen shouldn’t take responsibility for problems at her show. She should. (She did.) But it’s also unrealistic to expect that she always know everything that is going on. Perhaps her biggest mistake was to put too much trust in her management team and not personally check in more often with lower-level employees. According to Warner Bros, staffing and operational changes are already in motion, so maybe I’m alone in this, but I remain optimistic that things can improve.
People have been hating on Ellen for quite some time, though. Since encountering many of the insightful and nuanced tweets on the matter (see: one of the meanest people alive), I’ve been racking my brain to come up with what she has done prior to this controversy to engender such vitriol. Was it coming out at the height of her career and subsequently normalizing openly gay performers on television? Raising awareness and money to help endangered elephants and gorillas? Building a successful comedy career while never compromising in her conviction that one can be funny without being mean? What could it be that has so antagonized the social media arbiters of good taste?
Oh, wait.
There was that time last fall when she was caught sitting next to an aging redneck at a football game. I’m not sure what she was showing him on her phone, but I think it was how to renew his Plavix prescription at CVS. Is hanging out with George W. Bush an endorsement of illegal wars and torture? If that’s the case, I guess Michelle Obama owes the world an apology, too. And let’s not forget when Ellen had the audacity to accept the Presidential Medal of Freedom from President Obama, a man also responsible for many civilian deaths in the Middle East, not to mention his failure to publicly support same-sex marriage until 2012. Moving forward, Ellen ought to exclusively associate with Malala Yousafzai and Greta Thunberg. Somebody start a petition.
Sorry, I just don’t feel like that should ever have been a controversy. As a matter of fact, I was happy to see Ellen socializing with Bush. We need more compassion in the world, even for people who have done horrific things. If Dubya is still as homophobic as people think he is, then maybe Ellen’s willingness to accept him might teach him to accept her. I happen to believe that Bush should be prosecuted for war crimes. But even if that happened and he ended up in prison, Ellen could visit him there, and I would be fine with that, too.
There are several other media-concocted “scandals” that I could dissect, but I like the idea of keeping this essay shorter than Ulysses. The bottom line is this: Ellen DeGeneres changed history and made life better for a hell of a lot of people. Aside from her inestimable contributions to the LGBTQ+ movement, she has also inspired me and countless others with her unique comic voice and what I still believe to be her generous spirit. All of her employees deserve fair treatment, but I reject the notion that publicly vilifying anyone is necessary to achieve that end.
Correction: An earlier version of this article inaccurately listed tapeworms as one of the animals that Ellen has advocated for. As of this printing, Ellen has not raised any money for tapeworms.